Why?

"For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes..." ~Romans 1:16

Thursday, January 16, 2014

this

I take a deep breath.

The air around me is cold, and I'm wishing for my gloves.  I think I left them in my car.

The pathway is lined with snow, the brick under my feet speckled white.  My steps are steady and sure in my pink flowered rain boots as I make my way across campus, back towards my car.  My iPod in hand, I search for a song.  What used to be an easy choice is now an extremely hard one.  My usual go-tos are no longer an option. They take me to a place I'm trying so hard to forget - make me a girl I'm trying so desperately not to be anymore.  I can't be her.  She hurts too much.

I settle on something and keep walking. I take another deep breath and take in a feeling I'm not familiar with. It feels... new? Stark? Empty? Independent? Strong? Weak? I can't tell - but I know this feeling is struggling to feel welcome in the heart it's invaded.  Let me in, it whispers, as I turn a corner and see my car several feet ahead.

This.  This feeling.  I can't shake it, and it's starting to... define me.

Everyday I wake up to it.  Every night I try to push it out of my head as I fall asleep. This - this is what I was afraid of a long time ago, and what I hoped would never be.  Now, it is me.

It will go away, I tell myself as I drive to work, choreograph dances in my kitchen, or bring a load of laundry down to the basement.  It has to.  This can't be my life forever.  It can't.


Hold on darling.  This too shall pass.  This, too, shall pass.

***************************************************

Well it knocked me down, it dragged me out, it left me there for dead.
It took all the freedom I wanted and gave me something else instead.
It blew my mind, it bled me dry, it hit me like a long goodbye,
And nobody here knows better than I that it's a good thing.
Love is a good thing.

It'll fall like rain on your parade,
And laugh at the plans that you tried to make.
Wear you down until your heart just breaks
And it's a good thing.
Love is a good thing.

It'll wake you up in the middle of the night, it'll take just a little too much.
Burn you like a cinder till you're tender to the touch.
It'll chase you down, and swallow you whole, it'll make your blood run hot and cold.
Like a thief in the night it'll steal your soul, and that's a good thing.
Love is a good thing.

It'll follow you down to the ruin of your great divide,
Open the wounds that you tried to hide.
And there in the rubble of the heart that died
You'll find a good thing.
Cause love is a good thing.
Oh love is a good thing.

Ooo, take cover,
Ooo, the end is near.
Ooo, take cover,
But do not fear,
Do not fear.

Cause it'll break your will, it'll change your mind,
Loose all the chains of the ties that bind.
And if you're lucky, you'll never make it out alive, and that's a good thing.
Love is a good thing.

It can hurt like a blast from a hand grenade
When all that used to matter is blown away.
There in the middle of the mess it made you'll find a good thing.
Yes, it's worth every penny of the price you pay - it's a good thing.

Love is a good thing --(Ooo, take cover,)
Love is a good thing --(Ooo, the end is near,)
Oh love is a good thing --(Ooo, take cover.)
Do not fear.

~ Andrew Peterson, Love is a Good Thing

 
 

4 comments:

  1. If you want some amazing Christian music to listen to that's a bit different then the normal stuff, check out Josh Garrels, Matt Gilman and Will Reagan. I don't know your taste in music, but these have been my go-to artists the past few months. :) Keep smiling!

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    1. Rebecca! I love Josh Garrels! I'll have to check out Matt Gilman and Will Reagan - I've been looking for some new music! Thanks! :) And thank you - I will! :)

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  2. Sydney, this reminds me of Psalm 27- one of the Psalms that I desperately clung to in my darkest heartache. The whole thing is wonderful, but here are some excerpts:

    You have said, “Seek my face.”
    My heart says to you,
    “Your face, Lord, do I seek.”

    One thing have I asked of the Lord,
    that will I seek after:
    that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
    all the days of my life,
    to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
    and to inquire in his temple.

    I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord
    in the land of the living!
    Wait for the Lord;
    be strong, and let your heart take courage;
    wait for the Lord!

    praying for you today, my friend.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Heather! I so appreciate your prayer! And Psalms are so helpful, aren't they? So honest.

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