Sunday, November 24, 2013

a part of my soul

Sometimes I wonder why I blog.

Sometimes I worry that the only reason I do it is for attention.

Sometimes I worry that you guys think that, too.

Because being seen - it's a small part of this deeper thing that we all crave - being known.  And I think there's a healthy want of this, and a not-so-healthy one.  I want to be in that first category.

To be known is a deep longing in all of us - weaved into our very natures since the beginning of time. Think about it - God Himself is relationship - and since we're created in His image, it's no wonder we long for this.

But because we're sinful, fallen human beings, living in a post-Fall world (which means everything that was originally good got twisted into something it was never meant to be), we confuse our longing for relationship with our longing for approval.  We buy into the lie that the attention and approval of man is not just good, but necessary for our happiness.  (A complete and total SHAM.)  And once we believe this, we begin to operate under this idea and everything we do is affected.  Including the way and reasons why we share about our lives.  I'm almost always an extremely open person when it comes to my thoughts, feelings, opinions, ideas, hopes, and struggles.  But lately I've been asking myself - why?  What is motivating me to be so "honest?"  What is it that I really want here?

I want to believe that this place I've crafted, here in this small corner of the internet, probably seen by only a small few, is here for a reason bigger and better than, "Hey, look at me!"  I want to believe the creation of this blog had a deeper, more beautiful purpose.  Or even if it didn't back then, that it does now.

I don't just want people to see me.  I want people to see me and know me and "these songs I sing" - so that they might be known, too.  Maybe you reading this blog and seeing where I struggle and Who I hope in - maybe that will be healing to you somehow.

I want this blog to reveal a part of my soul that you probably wouldn't be able to see otherwise.  I mean, I can't have 3-hour coffee dates and pour my heart out over tall caramel mochas with everyone.  But here - here in this little corner of mine, filled with words and stories and an honesty so purposeful and scary that sometimes I almost don't do it - here I can give you little pieces of what you would hear if you were sitting across from me at a coffee shop, sipping your iced latte and listening kindly to my ramblings, or what you would see if you were a fly on the wall in my room after a long week, or in my family's kitchen when we're all home from work, or a page in my journal.  If you were any of these places, you'd see a part of my soul that not everyone does.  But you can't be.

So here's to sharing our souls via words on a page.  Words meant to be more than pretty.  Words meant to be true and real and honest.  So that we might be known - together.

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