I wrote this a few days ago. I haven't posted a piece like this in a while. Here's to beauty and honesty in the every day....
The thunder cracked outside my window, and I smiled. It was a comforting sound today. It felt good to know the weather was dreary and aching, just like me. I couldn't have handled a sunny day when everything inside me was the contrary.
Good questions via Facebook chat at 11pm last night. Good, hard questions. Is this really what you want? Is this really how you would want this to start out? Haven't you been through this before?
Work emails at 2pm. Something inside me shudders and shies away. Why? Don't I love this?
Apple pie goes in the oven. I bought it three weeks ago as a backup for something else, but never used it. Today it's the perfect fit, as it's no longer hot enough outside to cook eggs on the sidewalk, and the oven won't make the house painfully warm. I break every rule I know and listen to a favorite Christmas song. I'm longing for December.
I'm longing for comfort today, aching in the waiting and the wanting. I'd forgotten what it feels like, to make a hard decision, to be alone alone, not just pseudo alone.
To say no to the things that keep me from truly letting go. To jump.
Leaping into a season of walking by myself. I've done it before, but never like this. Never of my own will.
Chicken, rice, and pie on the stove. Comfort foods. Today, I'll take it.