Some days it's really easy to be gracious. To think of others. To keep a healthy perspective.
Other days (like today for me), I gather every reason to be bitter, to feel superior, to feel justified in my anger and frustration, and sort of sit in it all for a while.
I didn't deserve to go through that.
That person doesn't deserve to be blessed.
Leave me alone.
I'm better than this.
I'm better than them.
And if I'm not careful, bitterness leads quickly to hatefulness and spite.
I hope everything goes wrong for that person.
I hope they get nothing they want.
I hope she realizes how wrong she is.
I hope he has to pay for that later.
It's a fight. Have you ever felt it? Those days when your pride is pricked and old wounds are opened up, and hour after hour it's just one big fight to reclaim your day and remember what is true.
I'm so thankful for a friend who sat and Facebook chatted with me today and let me sort of throw it all out there and be honest about what was bothering me. It was especially helpful and encouraging when she shared an example of bitterness she's wrestling with in her own life. It was such a soothing reminder that I'm not alone, that I'm not the only one dealing with hurt and anger and pride and just feeling bitter. And neither are you.
I'm not going to preach at you tonight, reader, and tell you all the reasons you and I shouldn't be bitter. We both know that ultimately there's something wrong in our hearts, something we've gotta get right - and that's between us and Jesus. For now, let me just soothe our anxious, bitter hearts with the reminder that God sees. And knows. And understands. And loves us, in spite of ourselves.
Let Him make it right tonight.
"If I got unforgiveness in my heart, then there really ain't no room for love,
Plus it's stupid cause, I've been so forgiven,
That if I hold a grudge, I don't show He's risen,
But I know my sin's removed since Jesus came,
With no reason to forgive me but He did so I do the same...
...Jesus forgave the ones that pinned him up on that cross as he was hanging from it,
Holy Spirit, teach me to be just like the Son,
Remove the roots of bitterness don't stop until your work is done"
Andy Mineo, Bitter